Run thru some blogs .. And here comes my moodyness and my sadness. I was reading at lots of ppls' blog, is either I noe or i dun even noe them, click here and there.. Dropping msgs in their taggie .. with the name of Draccy, Wombat, Zioner, bobby_martian and etc.. Sudd I just realise everyone's life is just so wonderful and yet interesting. Everyone seems happy and happy all the while, and heck .. what happen to my life? I cant remember or recall back when is the time I actually feel happy, or should I say.. I lost my happiness.
I lost my happiness, I start cheering everyone whenever I able to. I lost something, I want everyone to gain that something that I lost. No one will actually understand my probs and so on.. I start sharing a pair of ears to those who need. Giving out my shoulder to those who need a shoulder to cry on. Listen to every single prob and try to help them, share every single prob the face, the sadness in their life. I dun mind it will affect my emotion or so on, coz it seems no difference. I already sad, add in more sad ,, and the result is still the sad. But the difference, the particular person could live happily.
I lost my happiness, I start cheering everyone whenever I able to. I lost something, I want everyone to gain that something that I lost. No one will actually understand my probs and so on.. I start sharing a pair of ears to those who need. Giving out my shoulder to those who need a shoulder to cry on. Listen to every single prob and try to help them, share every single prob the face, the sadness in their life. I dun mind it will affect my emotion or so on, coz it seems no difference. I already sad, add in more sad ,, and the result is still the sad. But the difference, the particular person could live happily.
Woke up in the morning, start all my daily routine, everyday is just the same.. everyday I haf to face the pain that comes from my knee and my back. Guess there will be no chance that I able to be heal till the day I left this world. No one in my family seems to care bout what pain I suffer. I forget, since when I never tell my family bout my health anymore, whenever I fall sick, I tends to not give a damn of it.
My bday is coming soon, next few more weeks then I will be 21 years old.. 21 years old, everyone will be excited bout the day will come.. they will get excited when they turn to 21, and claim it as "Finally". This kinda happiness u wont able to get it from me. From then my bday is giving a chill of it, I can sense something is goin to be so so wrong on dat day itself. I dun feel like celebrating it, the best is, I will never ever remember back my own bday. Whats the point of remembering it? Bday is just a normal ordinary day in my life, makes no difference. No presents and no parties which I will care, I even get use to the way no one greet me, just like last year. Singing bday to myself on dat nite. Sounds pathetic and drama? But I can tell u .. this is the truth. I never try to had any parties on my bday and so on. From the time I grown up, no memories that actually will haf someone celebrate it for me. Presents? If I will get any presents, guess that will make me cry, I will be end up hugging the present when I sleep, even start laughing non stop. Sounds crazy eh? But if u noe my life .. u will think that is a normal reaction. Getting presents from my parents is one of the thing that will never ever happen. I can even get scold on my bday.. imagine it. Receiving a greeting from fren or a card will make me smile for the whole day.. I dun care a greeting thru sms or anything. I haf to face the fact .. who on earth will remember my bday neway.
What I want for my bday? Guess, the present I ever wanted is not able to get from anyone.. Who can make my parents accepted Christ other than God .. who can give me the soul mate I searching for other than God... Is all bout God and God. I just hope that I will get a better life, at least a life that is doesnt contain so many sad moments till I can even forget when is the last time I actually able to feel the happiness and joy.
Looking into the mirror is just like I facing another stranger which I dunno who is he. I tends to fail to understand my ownself. Myself is like a stranger, I will never noe what will happen next. I duno what was he thinking, I dunno what does he want. All I want, is that someone that will care bout me, and will help me to understand myself well. IF there is that someone out there. Which that is my reason to get a gf. What I think, a gf will actually noe more bout me than myself. that is ... If I had one.
Just like what all the test told me bout it. No matter how many test I took from the Tickle.com .. I still remain to be at the small amount of it. Is like around 1000 ppl and there will be only 6 will share the same character with me. Y I alwiz be the rare and unique ? This is just my life ..
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